Stability?

I haven’t written in a while and I think that’s because I have spent tons of time on Reddit, in school, and working on a book with my friend. I have not necessarily been the most stable but for the past three weeks, I have been a bit better than I have in the last 6 months or so. No depressive thoughts and very few manic highs. Yes, there were hints of mania like the agitation. I still get that, at night, so my doctor added a new medication to my already cocktail of Abilify and Prozac.

Just last week I started on Depakote. I am SO VERY GLAD that I have insurance. I saw that without it, the prescription would be about 120 dollars, and I am still on student loan money. At first I was getting really dizzy and got a few heavy headaches, but after day number two, they seem to have disappeared. It makes me just a bit drowsy, but so far it’s not keeping me asleep at night. I don’t know why, but I have not been sleeping well this past week, and before the Depakote, I was doing comparatively well in that arena. I see my doctor next week, so it’s not going to be a big deal for too long. We’ll see what she has to say.

When I was having troubles staying asleep before, my psychologist suggested that I take a long relaxing hot bath and let the water cool on me, which would help make me drowsy and fall asleep… that did not work last night. Instead, I stayed up writing and reading for a few hours before going to sleep again; and today, I feel fine. I’m going to my boring classes, and doing monotonous stuff for 9 hours of the week… Yea, it pains me. Part of me thinks I need more activity and another part thinks I need less.

I’m not sure I’m stable enough for a job, but I did apply for one, and so far I think I may get it. While I’m in school, I would only be doing four hours at this job, but during the summer I may get some great hours. I would need it too in order to support myself, which I’m hardly doing.

Did I mention that in December I had such little money that I ate potatoes every day with perhaps a nice chunk of pasta without enough vegetables and meat? Since then, I have gained about twenty pounds -.- Not good! Two days ago I went and bought sports shoes so I can get exercise. I have been feeling much better since walking at night, but the energy is still there…

If I could just get out some of this extra energy, I think I would be closer to stable… whatever that is.

Speaking of which, I’m not sure what stability is. I know chaos quite intimately…

Tell me what stability is like for you. Thanks! 🙂

MAI

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