Say there are two types of emotional acquisition: learning (nurture) and nature (in born).
In nurture, we copy the reactions and action reaction and first, actions of someone within our communicative sphere. The order is action, action-reaction (what do we do?) and then reaction (what either of us do). If we don’t react, we’re more likely to see their reaction in partial or luckily whole.
As infants, toddlers, children and perhaps beyond into adolescence, teen-hood up to 23 years of age men and 20/21 years of age women, we copy the reactions of our peers and close adult figures.
In this sphere I can say without a doubt that I do not fall into this category. My dad could be violent, but I can only remember seeing him about ten or twelve times, and that’s with a give or take two occasions I can’t remember. Only a very few times I actually saw the violence… or heard. I could speculate from things I heard and tone and decibel and so on, but that’s it.
On the other hand, I was with my mom all the time. She was extremely volatile and had violent, some many times abusive outbreaks that involved unreasonable spankings and emotional manipulation.
I didn’t think of the emotional manipulation initially. Overall her method was a sort of operant conditioning. My brother and I in the end though never learned the proper behaviors and were left, even up till now, generally confused.
In comparison, I have not copied these behaviors of either major influence in my life. Having few friends and being mainly an independent introvert, my behaviors were quite original from birth to the end of childhood.
These include quiet solitude and agitation at being bothered, which neither parent had. Taking chances like jumping from the top of a flight of stairs or fashioning a stairwell sled and self mutilating behaviors such as stressing at lack of perfection, OCD behavior, and picking my skin until sebum of blood excreted… yea, my parents didn’t do any of this. I also did not see my parents behave any sort of sexually except for perhaps a hung of kiss here and there. I conversely, not seeing them bump naughties, already learned the beginnings of masturbation and the pleasurable tingling feeling of touching my clitoris – though I did not know the name of that for perhaps another ten of so years. Haha!
And as for anger, besides agitation, annoyance, of not getting what I want, anger did not happen. It was a rare but more of a natural occurrence as well.
Now that we’ve made it here, lets speak of “de natures!”
Nature means inherent; Inherent as in chemical make-up, as in base personality, or both! Perhaps our personality is a sum of volatile chemical make-up, such that we know serotonin is linked to emotional expression of depression, dopamine – happiness, and adrenaline – alertness. So for this case of nurture, we will refer to nurture in the manner of base personality or characteristics we are born with: It’s natural.
It’s simple to say, “well it’s natural to x, y, z – cry, cry more, and get upset if you don’t get what you want,” because the action, action-reaction, and reaction are all a part of the statement as an explanation. So here I want to qualify again, some things are learned, but base personality, which includes emotions are natural. The root of all emotions coems from our functioning in this world. They evolved over time when we see we are not getting the reaction we want. Anger, one of our first emotions, tends to stick with us from childhood to elder-hood because we haven’t integrated alternatives in our experienced AND somehow Anger works. Haha! Anger holds stress, but through action we release it. Until one knows better, there is no regret, guilt, or sin involved (I’M CLEAN!!!!)
It starts out: I’m angry. Noun won’t action for me, like dad wont’ play with me, as in my case.
This formula sticks and evolved through formal learning stages unless countered, such as through Religious Indoctrination. So the formula after formal reasoning stage of learning becomes, (and by the way, learning capacity and ability is genetic here and everywhere): I’m angry because noun wont’ action, so to get noun to do this I will action. (“Will” will be another topic at some point). Being kind and generous is not working, so I’ll be angry and volatile… Patience I learned a little, so I’ll wait… no response, then angry again. Something better hasn’t come along? Angry again!
Anger gets conditioned into the self, so it becomes it’s own conditioned right from childhood, where it’s absolutely natural.
So what we have after formal reasoning is that nature becomes “de natures”-nurture combo because of repetition learning.
Peace be with You Broski and Broskiettes! 😛
I’m always open for comments and suggestions 😀